Gerardsmomutah

Gerard has requested cards/notes/silly messages to help him overcome his medical facility anxiety while we navigate Mayo in Rochester. Please mail cards to: Gerard Hernandez; 1439 Brinker Ave. Ogden, UT 84404. We cannot thank all of you enough for your support during such a challenging year. We're excited for solutions like only Mayo can provide, based on the stories of our friends.

How to handle life when you need help. Accept it. Because you know that when you can help others, you do. So...here it is. And here we are. I don't feel the need to share every single symptom or detail of what's going on with his illness, because I'm consistently met with the reaction of, "Well, he looks great to me!" OK. He looks great. But what you don't see is this happening every day after school: His fatigue level is such that the minute he sits in the car, he's flopped over in five minutes max. It happens at the dinner table (again), which is what happens when he's about to flare. Why is this happening? We don't know. He has a hematoma on his cheek because he fell out of his bed on Monday night. (He didn't want to wake me up)... My kid! Which is why we need to get to the Mayo Clinic to figure this thing out. Yes, I realize he looks great to everyone. Yes, that is the stigma of a "hidden" disease. What don...

Today I decided to unbury myself from the mountains of medical bills on my desk. We have insurance, yes. We do. It doesn't cover much. It doesn't help much. But it does help a little, and right now a little is better than nothing. The thing is, we aren't seeing results in G's treatment the way we (feel that we) should be after all this time. June first, he's set for chemo again. And I don't want to take him this time. Crazy thoughts... perhaps. So I sent records to Mayo Clinic in Rochester to get the ball rolling several months ago knowing that we'd need their expertise. We have referrals from his doctors, but insurance is denying that he's getting adequate care here in Utah. And the bills are rolling in from all directions. Bills for "reading" medical records. Yup, they can do that. Mayo Clinic bills to the tune of nearly $2,000 today. Just for their doctors to look at two images. Two. Images. And read them, apparently. Can I raise ...

Sunday was Mother's Day. Thank you to all the mothers out there. You have my greatest admiration and respect. Especially all of the single mothers. They are amazing. A day of reflection. I miss my grandmother. I miss Sunday weekly talks with her. She was like a mother to me when mine could not be. A day of happy tears, getting a beautiful card handwritten for the first time from my boy, sad tears (my mom is gone on to the next world, and I miss her, too), and anxious tears. I never, ever thought I'd be able to have a child. In fact, I was told I would never carry a child to term. It was true. It was a day of how's. A day of me running questions in my mind. I spent the day with my guys (husband and son) and we had a lovely day, indoors...because... rain. I'm always grateful for the rain. We decided after lunch to go to see a movie. My choice. Seriously? No action or cartoons. Yes...! A friend suggested "Miracles from Heaven" when we talked about my ...

List of "Have you ever" questions this week. Ever make a big mistake that you regret? Ever had an accident you wish never happened? Ever caused an accident you wish had never happened? Well... Both of those things happened this week with a bigger impact and bigger heartache than I anticipated. Here's a couple of other questions I have to ask this week, on my Friday wrap-up: Ever think you're whining too much? Ever think you complain too much? Ever been told you ask too many questions? Ever beat yourself up after making a big mistake? Ever not trust yourself? Ever say something stupid that you regret? Yes, yes, yes. I answer yes to all of these questions of myself today, and more so than any other day this week. Why? Because just when I think I'm getting all of my **it together and feeling more positive about the world, and my life in it, I royally f*ck it up. Or, at least, I think I have. Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Let me preface this by saying this p...

Yesterday, I decided that I needed a place to share information with a broader audience about my life living with a child who has a chronic illness. Navigating that can be tricky for anyone, much less a Utah mom. I'll get to those specifics in a minute. Let's just say that yesterday I hit bottom. You know it if you've been there. The day begins and continues with tears, frustration, anger, fear, prayers, more bad thoughts of when will this get any better, and how will I put dinner on the table and move on with my life. Seriously. If you're a mom, you've probably been there once or twice, maybe more. No more details necessary when your kid is sick. I don't have to spell it out. You know. I am a mom. I live in Ogden, Utah beforewhich, I was not a mom. Maybe this is stating the obvious, but I'm a little bit older than most moms here. (Hint: I'm way past my thirties).  In fact, my first day at a new job in Utah promted the question I never thought I'd ...